This post is long, but worth it.
Today was rough. I'll just put that right out there. Though I've lived and visited other countries I have always been able to express myself very well despite language barriers. Somehow between broken english with other natives I've survived. Living in Latin America has been a whole new challenge for me though. Very few people here know English. Last week at church I was expecting to be lost in translation (literally), but it didn't happen. I actually understood a good amount and the other members were very supportive. This week though, was an entirely different story.
Walking into church I already felt kinda peeved, little things in the morning had got poorly and heaven forbid, I had forgotten to put on lotion so my hands were dry and felt scratchy (the air is very dry in Quito). As church started it seemed like the speakers were subsequently trying to out-do each other and set world records for the most words said in a minute. By the time the last speaker got up, I was already feeling all Spanished out but he was speaking so fast I wasn't even sure if it was Spanish. At the end of the meeting I was already tearing up thinking: "I'm going to be here for 3 more months, unable to comunicate or understand, what did I get myself into!?"
Sunday school (2nd hour) wasn't any better. The other young adults around me were all conversing, joking around and laughing with one another. I sat there, subdued, frustrated that I couldn't be the friendly Mina I've always been. I couldn't joke with them, I couldn't make friends. When the lesson started the teacher asked me to pray. It took me a few seconds to even realize what he'd asked. I gave it in my broken spanish, feeling inadequate the entire time, knowing I was making mistakes. As the lesson progressed the teacher called on me a few times to answer whatever question it was that he'd asked. After one or two times he realized that my blank stare expression was the only answer he was going to get. I didn't even know what he'd asked, let alone how to answer it....
By the end of the second hour, I was totally ready to curl up into a ball and just bawl for a bit (ball/bawl see what I did there?) My dad saw that I was frustrated and he just said "It'll come, I've been there too, it'll come". In relief society (3rd hour) there was certainly no relief... by that point I stopped trying to even listen. I tuned out. When it ended I'm fairly sure that I was the first one out of the room. A women grabbed me on the way out and asked me if I spoke spanish. I just laughed and said "un poquito" which means "a bit" and then she asked a few other questions like how much did I understand and I was just honest with her. I said "Hoy? Nada" (Today, none). Then she let me go.
I was waiting outside the chapel for my dad, ready to go. Thoughts were pouring through my head about how hard I'm going to have to work here. A sweet looking woman with a baby came walking up to me just then. She started speaking to me in spanish and I began freaking out, knowing that the conversation would soon escalate and I'd end up once again with a blank stare on my face, unable to communicate. Amazingly though, words started flowing. She was speaking slow enough that I could understand her. Even though I didn't catch every word, I understood what she was saying. I answered her questions with surprising ease. Granted, they were relatively simple questions, but still. My dad came out then and she said (in spanish) something along the lines of, "I'm impressed with your spanish. Most foreigners just want to talk in English because they are too afraid". I was shocked. I HAD PULLED IT OFF! I told her that somehow all day long my spanish had just been shut off, and I understood hardly anything but at that moment I could talk.
When I got home I was less frustrated but I opened my scriptures for some comfort. I opened randomly to Doctrine and Covenants 64:32-33 which reads-
I was willing to put in the work and am going to do some rigorous study while I'm here. I have the willing mind. I just need to remember that "small things" preceede great things. Loved reading that ^32 But all things must come to pass in their time.33 Wherefore, be nota weary inb well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out ofc small things proceedeth that which is great.
The story continues- later that night my Dad informed me that he had said a prayer at the start of the 3rd hour for me. That I'd be more comfortable or at least be able to communicate a bit and have a good experience that day. Ladies and gents, that prayer was definitely answered. The woman I was able to speak with answered it.
In the coming months I've put together a rigorous language study schedule that I'm going to stick to as best as I can. I refuse to forever be blank faced deer girl. If I can pull it off on my second week here, even for a 5 minute conversation, I can definitely do better by the time I leave. Let the studying, praying for help, and practicing begin.
(Oh and as a side note, I realize that this is going to happen in Ukraine all the time, so at least I'm learning these lessons early).
