Just do it.

Today I was feeling pretty good. I walked into my office and got a warm hello from the security guards as always and had the thought to do something for them. During my lunch hour I ran down to the convenience store 5 seconds from my building and bought them all oreos and milk. I ended up forgetting my wallet and had to go all the way back up, but that's not the point. Anywho- it was literally the equivalent of about $2 for all of the goods. It was slightly awkward giving it to them- we've never spoken. There is obviously a pretty large language barrier but the seemed shocked when I just randomly handed them cookies and milk cartons. I just wanted to show that the workers here actually do notice them. One guard said "Thank you very much for your kindness" and I walked to my little cubicle. I'll admit I was pushing myself a bit out of my comfort zone to do this but in the end, my advice is to just do it- just get out there and recognize the people you see everyday but end up just passing by. Anyways- that's my little 2 bits for the day.

Some confessions and a MAJOR!

This post is dedicated to my obsession for the past 3 days and an interest I've had since around the age of 11 or 12. I was a rather chubby kid.... like really.  It was a dark time.... thus now it is secretive, locked in terrible photo albums of the past. Not really, but I'm not uber quick to pull out pictures of my chub rolls when friends come over. Nevertheless, being chubby isn't the best feeling for the self-confidence radar when you're 13. I remember countless summers where I would say 'I'm going to lose the weight, and come back to school and shock everyone'.... obviously it didn't happen for a while. Finally when I was 14 though, my freshman year in Miami, I sat in my counselor's office to sign some form and noticed a pamphlet on her desk for the 'Teen's get Fit for Life' program at our local community center. I wasn't too incredibly chubby at that time but still the self-confidence thing is a big motivator for a teen. I joined and let me tell you, it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

It's because of that program that I lost 15 pounds and then have continued to stay active in highschool through cross country, swimming, and triathlons. I'm not exactly a stick-thin chica but let me tell you something... I can probably kick your butt in push-ups, p90x, or the mile. I'm really strong for a 17 year old and I'm healthy: I work out a lot and I eat pretty well for a teenager too.  Don't get me wrong- I still struggle at times in the body I was given. Legs of steel, although strong, are not the most slender looking in the world of the media at the moment.  But just because I have the running calves of a buffalo and the broad shoulders of our dearly beloved Michael Phelps doesn't mean that I have to feel any less attractive so I try not to let it bother me too much. If nothing else, I'll probably live longer than the skinny minnies who never exercise but eat crap... that'll be my revenge.

What is all of this talk of nutrition, exercise, and a lifelong goal for fitness about? Well I decided on my major at BYU- Exercise and Wellness. Basically, from there I can become a nutritionist, personal trainer, sports trainer etc. I'm excited!!

Working and Independence- Refreshing

I've had a few thoughts on my mind this week so I thought I might just get them out through writing:

Some of you may know that I'm working this summer as an intern with USAID in Bangkok for the Embassy. I've spent the last week doing quite a few things on my own: finding my way around downtown, taking the various transportation systems places I've never been, cooking and buying my own lunches and foods, and basically just being highly independent. At work I've been compiling news sources, attending conference calls, and delivering mail. I also started another blog- fitness as my witness- which is a nutrition and exercise blog. I've been making my own fitness plans and workouts to lose a few pounds before college as well. For the first time in a while I feel like I am doing things that actually matter- The things I'm doing at work actually make a difference in the big scheme of things

I don't quite know how to explain it. I tried expressing it to Katie today as we were successfully navigating the BTS system here in Bangkok during one of the busiest times of the day. She seemed to understand it fair enough- there is just something invigorating about being able to do things on your own. It's refreshing knowing that you can survive independently if you had to.

Although I love my friends and family I admit that I don't often like relying on them for everything all the time. It's also tough for me right now when all my friends are leaving Thailand because I don't like getting sad about them leaving. I don't like how having them leave makes me miss them- as stupid and ridiculous as that sounds, I don't like 'missing' people because I can't control it. I can't do anything about them being gone and yet I find myself getting emotional about it. I don't like feeling vulnerable about it.

That being said, I'm growing up. I guess that's what this post is about.  I'm learning more and more about what I like, what I'm capable of, and what I can handle. I'm doing more and more things completely on my own and I find it to be empowering.

YAY GRADUATION!.... wait.... what?

Yes indeed, it has been exactly a week and a day since I have graduated from High School here in Thailand. To be perfectly honest with myself and any lone readers, my first week out plain and simply sucked. I said farewell to my two very best friends a week ago and all my other friends went on a Senior Trip to the beach here in Thailand. I did not attend because once again- to be blatantly honest, the fun consisted of alcoholic beverages and other things that are not quite my style. However this entire week I sat wishing for some sort of distraction or even just something to do. I watched more TV than should be humanly allowed, slept a heck-ton, and ate a bunch just cause I was bored.... The boredom food thing will be talked about in another post but anywho- onward to my thoughts on leaving the proverbial "nest".

I think I'm 99% ready to be living independently, but this week showed me that I'm not entirely 100% ready to leave Thailand. I'm a pretty good cook. I know how to clean. I'm perfectly aware of labels on clothing and how to do laundry (will I follow them.... hmm probably not so much!). Drawback include that I will sorely miss the ISB campus. The feeling of community and friendliness amongst both teachers and students, not to mention the insane list of activities that were offered here. But the hardest truth is I really and truly loved my friends here in Bangkok. Just thinking about the probability of never seeing any of them again makes me cringe. I've been so emotional thinking about it.

But hey, life goes on!! So my coping method this week was to storm the BYU website and find out about activities, gyms, classes, restaurants and all other things that it has to offer. The other thing I've been doing is tons of research on health foods and whatnot- but that's in the later post with the boredom food thing as mentioned before. Focusing on future BYU life has been a tremendous help this week. I've made lists of things to buy pre-college, things to do once I get there, and have been looking at meals I can make and places to buy food etc. For any seniors going through post High-school blues, I recommend the same thing. Maybe you don't have to go so OCD on the lists but just looking at prospective fun helps. So with that, I leave you with the three things I've learned this week.

1. Leaving friends (especially when there is a really big chance you'll never see them again) is just plain painful. Cry some, if you want... I  certainly did. Allow yourself to be sad for a few days (or a week).

2. TV and taking naps doesn't really make the problems go away. If anything you just end up feeling like a fat-lard.... I do admit that the cheesy Bachelorette show on ABC assists with a good laugh though.

3. At the end of the day (or week) you just have to get over it! It's odd how even when I'm sad or feeling like so many good things are coming to an end, I know that I should allow myself to be unhappy. I forced myself out of the lame 'meh' feelings through the BYU stuff I did online.

Graduation can be invigorating, or painful, depending on the experience. Either way, though, college is just around the corner!! :D

Got to sing with the choir at grad- "In My Life".  I had a solo at the end as well... nerves.. heckyes

                                Right before we threw our hats- I'm fifth from the  center on the right top row.

                                                                              HATS!

Mr. Duffy- will always love this Jolly English teacher

Mr. Giles- The choir teacher of all choir teachers... 2 great years singing- hopefully more to come